Okay - so in terms of your character design - think about the wind sock's characterisation - he's a 'flat, depressed wind' - so how might that be conveyed through the placement of his eyes and features etc? At the moment, he's looking a bit manic and scary, as opposed to 'blue' and a bit 'down'.
In terms of your script, I know exactly what the client would say... not enough science. Remember, the talking sun and the talking wind-sock are only there to get your audience to engage with the nuts and bolts of wind pollination; at the moment, your script is doing too much in one direction and not enough work in the other. I know too that English isn't your first language, but your first draft is actually a little difficult to understand, which I'm presuming is coming from the gap between what you want to say and your translation of it for the likes of me. Do whatever you can to close that gap. So - think more about the wind sock's characterisation (this will help you write dialogue for him) but also ensure that at least 2 thirds of your script is dedicated to the science stuff :)
I tried to do some more thumbnails I think that the thumbnail number 134 works to respond to the last feedback
Hey Filipe,
ReplyDeleteOkay - so in terms of your character design - think about the wind sock's characterisation - he's a 'flat, depressed wind' - so how might that be conveyed through the placement of his eyes and features etc? At the moment, he's looking a bit manic and scary, as opposed to 'blue' and a bit 'down'.
In terms of your script, I know exactly what the client would say... not enough science. Remember, the talking sun and the talking wind-sock are only there to get your audience to engage with the nuts and bolts of wind pollination; at the moment, your script is doing too much in one direction and not enough work in the other. I know too that English isn't your first language, but your first draft is actually a little difficult to understand, which I'm presuming is coming from the gap between what you want to say and your translation of it for the likes of me. Do whatever you can to close that gap. So - think more about the wind sock's characterisation (this will help you write dialogue for him) but also ensure that at least 2 thirds of your script is dedicated to the science stuff :)