Hi Filipe... Listen, to be super-honest, I don't know how to be hugely helpful in response to your OGR. Your script 'isn't' a script - it's a story - you're just telling me what's happening in the various scenes, but you're not presenting the action as 'scripted action'. I don't really understand why your character is now a cat - I mean I don't mind animal characters at all, but isn't it a confusion in an already 'high concept' idea? I think it's important that you look at your script and see if you've set everything up for the audience you could and should have done - why is the pest controller in a 'Florida' library - how do we know he's a pest controller and why is he looking at the diary? I recall previous feedback about ensuring your audience understood that your pest controller was competitive and wanting to become the greatest in the world... if this is still true, how do I know it?
Look - just in terms of what you've offered up here... it's very problematic - conceptually, in terms of actual quality, and in terms I suspect of the time you've given this project so far. I think it best you come and find me for a chat, okay?
OGR 09/02/18
ReplyDeleteHi Filipe... Listen, to be super-honest, I don't know how to be hugely helpful in response to your OGR. Your script 'isn't' a script - it's a story - you're just telling me what's happening in the various scenes, but you're not presenting the action as 'scripted action'. I don't really understand why your character is now a cat - I mean I don't mind animal characters at all, but isn't it a confusion in an already 'high concept' idea? I think it's important that you look at your script and see if you've set everything up for the audience you could and should have done - why is the pest controller in a 'Florida' library - how do we know he's a pest controller and why is he looking at the diary? I recall previous feedback about ensuring your audience understood that your pest controller was competitive and wanting to become the greatest in the world... if this is still true, how do I know it?
Look - just in terms of what you've offered up here... it's very problematic - conceptually, in terms of actual quality, and in terms I suspect of the time you've given this project so far. I think it best you come and find me for a chat, okay?